I am having a lot of complicated feelings today:
- I’m scared for my daughter to grow up in a society that views her as less than, as guilty by virtue of nothing more than her skin tone
- I’m horrified that my white skin somehow offers me more protection than her brown skin does and for no reason other than lack of melanin? what the actual fuck.
- I’m unsure how to talk about it with her because I am white and I can’t possibly understand what her experiences will be, my husband has an idea since he’s brown too but doesn’t have experience as a woman of color, as an adopted child of color, as an adopted child of color with at least one white parent, as an adopted child of color with a disability. She has so many things already going against her and how do we make this world safe enough for her? Safe enough for her to move through with confidence and pride in who she is? In EVERYTHING she is? How do I protect her? Protect her identity? Her sense of self? Her beauty and her fragileness and her heart?
- I’m unsure how to talk about my own fears being her mother without seeming like I’m speaking over people of color
- I’m scared that our culture, our society is regressing more than it’s progressing and that there’s basically fuck all I can actually do to change it
- I’m worried I’m not the best mother for my daughter because of this. I’m worried that no matter how hard I try to be an ally, to understand, to be a voice against violence, to dismantle white supremacy, that my own privilege will always out weigh any good I might be capable of
- I don’t know how or where or when to get this stuff out (other than here) because my White Feelings are nothing compared to the actual, visceral terror and agony of watching your family, your friends, your likeness be murdered regularly by the people who swore to protect and serve
- I literally have no idea what the fuck to do with myself or how to reconcile the fear with the desire to help with the feelings of powerlessness with the knowledge that my feelings don’t mean shit in the grand scheme.
I guess all I can offer is this: friends of color, I see you. I grieve with you for your losses. I want to help. I’m trying to help however I can. Not just for you but for your children, for my child, for my partner, for our society, for our shared future. I want better for all of us but I most of all want you to be safe.
I tried all morning to think of what I wanted to say, but @justmakeitstop said it so much better than I already could. A friend posted something on Facebook this morning about how terrifying it would be to be the parent of a black son and it hit me right in the heart. Soon I will be that parent, and I hope that I will be enough and do enough.
- Edward Sotomayor Jr., 34.
- Stanley Almodovar III, 23.
- Luis Omar Ocasio-Capo, 20.
- Juan Ramon Guerrero, 22.
- Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera, 36.
- Peter O. Gonzalez-Cruz, 22.
- Luis S. Vielma, 22.
- Kimberly Morris, 37.
- Eddie Jamoldroy Justice, 30.
- Darryl Roman Burt II, 29.
- Deonka Deidra Drayton, 32.
- Alejandro Barrios Martinez, 21.
- Anthony Luis Laureanodisla, 25.
- Jean Carlos Mendez Perez, 35.
- Franky Jimmy Dejesus Velazquez, 50.
- Amanda Alvear, 25.
- Martin Benitez Torres, 33.
- Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon, 37.
- Mercedez Marisol Flores, 26.
- Xavier Emmanuel Serrano Rosado, 35.
- Gilberto Ramon Silva Menendez, 25.
- Simon Adrian Carrillo Fernandez, 31.
- Oscar A. Aracena-Montero, 26.
- Enrique L. Rios, Jr., 25 years old.
- Miguel Angel Honorato, 30 years old.
- Javier Jorge-Reyes, 40 years old.
- Joel Rayon Paniagua, 32 years old
- Jason Benjamin Josaphat, 19 years old
- Cory James Connell, 21 years old
- Juan P. Rivera Velazquez, 37 years old
- Luis Daniel Conde, 39 years old
- Shane Evan Tomlinson, 33 years old
- Juan Chevez-Martinez, 25 years old
- Jerald Arthur Wright, 31
- Leroy Valentin Fernandez, 25
- Tevin Eugene Crosby, 25
- Jonathan Antonio Camuy Vega, 24
- Jean C. Nives Rodriguez, 27
- Rodolfo Ayala-Ayala, 33
- Brenda Lee Marquez McCool, 49
- Yilmary Rodriguez Sulivan, 24
- Christopher Andrew Leinonen, 32
- Angel L. Candelario-Padro, 28
- Frank Hernandez, 27
- Paul Terrell Henry, 41
You will not be forgotten.
Sources (x/x)
Full videoIndia Beaty was a mother of four. According to her sister Kendra she was a great parent. Every Black person in America knows that cops don’t joke around, they just shoot you if they don’t like you (and being a person of color unfortunately increases chances of getting shot). This poor soul did not have a reason to provoke officers, so nothing in this story sums up. I want justice for #IndiaBeaty!
#BlackLivesMatter #StopPoliceBrutality
#StayWoke
Rachel & Felipe Mora’s tiny house
- never sleeps when I need to
- cries at anything
- fakes positivity
- spends money impulsively
- requires constant validation
- clumsy, can’t go a day without spilling something
- laughs at own unfunny jokes
